


Tears, Darkness, and Sunshine

by brinasays_hi



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, Nightmares, One Shot, included him anyways, kaneki is haise's shadow, wasn't sure if he counted as a character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:11:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brinasays_hi/pseuds/brinasays_hi
Summary: Sasaki's shadow haunts him in his dreams each night, reminding him of what he was.A memory slips in...





	

    There was a red glow of numbers that stood out in the darkened room, signaling that the ghoul investigator should probably have went to sleep quite some time ago. It was accompanied by the light of his lamp shining on his desk. All of the Quinx squad were probably already sleeping, aside from maybe Saiko with her gaming. A pencil’s scribbling was the only sound, working fast to complete some reports for an upcoming CCG meeting.

 

Haise’s eyelids were slowly drooping, and his mind was beginning to forget what the words on the paper even meant anymore. He wished that he had thought to make some coffee to keep him awake. A sigh escaped from his lips. The meeting wouldn’t be until another two days, so he still had time to finish them tomorrow and the day after. In his mind, he contemplated his choices: He could continue writing the reports, but he would eventually fall asleep on his papers in an uncomfortable position slumped over the table. He could get up and go down to the kitchen to make coffee, but he would most likely doze off in the process. Also, the kitchen floor wouldn’t exactly be his first choice of places to sleep on. Lastly, he could just leave the reports for another day and go to bed. The logical, as well as reasonable, decision would be to go to bed.

 

However, the idea of willingly surrendering himself to sleep, to nightmares, to horrors. It was terrifying. The half-ghoul knew he would have to rest at some point. But he could already feel the terror filling his mind and consuming it. His quickened heartbeat. The sweat covering his back. Eyes wide in fear, one with kakugan out. Short, quick breaths, lungs tight and gasping for more, MORE. Mouth open in a silent scream, tears dripping from his eyes. The faint memory of a dream about his past still imprinted in his mind.

 

He couldn’t do it.

 

But all of a sudden his eyes were fluttering shut, his head had dropped onto the desk, and it wouldn’t hurt if he just closed his eyes to rest for a while, would it-

 

He stood in a room with black and white checkered tiles.

 

No walls could be seen, as they were shrouded in shadows (If they were even there. Was it even a room? Or a vast, infinite space?). Further up ahead of him, a dark figure could be seen sitting on a chair. Their head faced the floor, but he could still feel their eyes on him somehow. A feeling of vague unsettlement crawled down Haise’s back.

 

His shadow spoke.

 

**_"yOU rEAlly SHoulDn’t bE thERE iN mY BOdY”_ **

 

“It’s not yours anymore. I won’t let you take over.” His words were firm, but dread filled him and he could barely hear his own words over the THUMP-THUMP-THUMP of his heart.

 

The shadow disappeared from the chair, and a hand landed on his shoulder. A mouth rasped into his ear,  **_“WhO arE YOu tO sAY tHAt? yOu HAve nO riGHt tO sAy THaT. I wAS heRE beFOre YoU. gIVe iT bACK”_ **

 

The scratchy voice next to him spooked him, but he refused to look in its direction.

 

    “I won’t accept you. I won’t give it back to you. This body is not yours anymore. You don’t deserve one anyways.”

 

Cold, dark fingers wrapped themselves around his neck. **_“tHAt’S nOT fOr YOu tO dEcIDe”_ **

 

“You are a monster. I won’t let you ruin everything from these past few years.”

 

The shadow barked out an insane laugh.  **_“I mAy bE a MOnsTer, bUT sO aRE YoU”_ **

 

Its laughter echoed around Haise and enveloped him in fear.

 

_ I was a monster. Stop lying. I am a monster. I don’t deserve this life. I shouldn’t be here. I’m a danger to everyone around me. I should just leave. _

 

They were unwanted and unwelcomed, but whispers and doubts inserted themselves into his mind anyway. They swirled around and spread themselves throughout. His breaths were becoming gasps for air, and the suffocating air told him that he would soon wake in a panic.

 

In the midst of it all, a lone thought appeared in his mind, seemingly from nowhere. The nightmare changed into another nightmare-like scene, but the feeling of it was different. It was a bitter-sweet mixed in with fear and great sadness. The details of the picture were blurry, as if they had been removed. It felt like a memory.

 

Around him was terror and darkness, but what stood out was a beam of sunshine, warming him with their light. They welcomed him and accepted his monster. All the aggression in him faded away and all he wanted to do was cry happily in the sun’s arms. But he couldn’t.

 

    All the horror and blood, too much blood, returned. Tears trickled out of the corner of his eyes at what was lost. He couldn’t go back. He couldn’t change anything. He couldn’t protect-

  
    Sasaki Haise awoke to tears on his cheeks and darkness in his mind. As he stared at the sunlight filtering through the blinds, he couldn’t help but think that he was forgetting something.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please leave a comment below!


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